King of Anything
by PETIT MONSIEUR
Summary: Uther was trapped in a very strange rant in his very strange mind. Why would such an idiotic boy have such a stupid effect on the king and practically everyone else in Camelot? Might continue if received well.
1. The Tyrant King and the Idiotic Fool

**King of Anything**

Oh, Poof! I just had to wonder who the hell Sara Bareilles was! Hur…she's taking up my _**Listening to Vanessa Carlton**_ time. So I was inspired. Horribly.

_Edited on 12/02/2011_

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><p>Uther Pendragon was royalty and king. He was king of anything and everything; except for one thing. That one thing was a person, a mere servant to be precise. That servant was Merlin, the most loved person to have ever appeared in the Kingdom of Camelot. He was also a royal bruise to his son and himself. A big fat, purple and red neckerchief wearing, bruise that saved lives with <em>magic<em> of all things. Are you wondering how Uther Pendragon, monstrous tyrant, knew that Merlin had magic? The servant had the_ audacity_ to use the cursed art in front of him to _save _his life. Uther would have rather died than have to live through that again (he would get his wish).

To think that he was saved by magic abhorred Uther. The cursed art saving the king who wanted to destroy it. The irony of it all! Uther bet that even his _son and his knights_ were saved by magic more than a few times! Uther had no idea why he hadn't made the idiotic servant go to the pyre to burn. There was just something holding him back, as if somebody was telling him that the kingdom would fall without any magical aid, and unfortunately, not many sorcerers offered to do as such for fear of burning.

This lead to another question Uther Pendragon had asked himself. How in the world had the most cowardly man in the world (he assumed) been brave enough to go to a kingdom with several guards and knights trained to kill anybody who had even hinted the ability of magic? Was the servant foolish enough to think he could handle so many forces – practically an army – and not need back up? Did he think he was some sort of legendary wizard that had power beyond imagining and a Great Dragon to back him up? No. _Uther Pendragon_ has a Great Dragon (or rather _had_). In fact, he rather doubted that Merlin, the incompetent fool, even had that big of a destiny. Would he become famous one day, and have his own _T.V. show _(whatever the hell that was) in later generations? Uther highly doubted it. He didn't even look particularly special!

The man was so plain! His clothing was ragged; he had a horrid neckerchief around his neck and his ears! Oh his ears! They were huge! As big as Dumbo's (whoever the hell that was) Uther reckoned. Those huge _things_ probably didn't even help his hearing! Uther couldn't count how many times his son had complained about Merlin's horrid listening skills and just how bad of a servant he was! Surely a magical being such as Merlin would have done a good job! He had numerous spells at his call that could probably do the job for him! But no! Even with magic he was an incompetent fool! He was probably the _worst_ sorcerer in the entire kingdom! Maybe even the whole of Albion! Uther bet even his _daughter_ – someone who's never been trained – could possibly be better than the incompetent, impetuous, and dollop-headed fool!

Oh yes, Uther Pendragon knew that Morgana La Fey had magic. She was his daughter after all! Even the most cruel-hearted, selfish, and tyrannous father knew everything about their children. Like the affair his son is having with Guinevere and the probable crush his own _son_ had on Merlin! Uther was not blind. He'd seen the fanfiction, the yaoi fangirls, and fanboys (whatever the hell those terms meant) practically demand his own son to snog and shag his manservant senseless! There are probably a few of them featuring Merlin's stupid alter ego Dragoon the Great.

What kind of name was Dragoon the Great anyways? The petulant fool probably couldn't even revert back to his younger self! And the stuttering for the name! Was he trying to be clever or was everybody _that_ stupid? Uther bet that everybody was an idiot in this castle (save for him) for not noticing the fool's antics. Oh and not to mention the fact that "Dragoon" insults Arthur candidly. Was he asking to be thrown in the pyre? Well, there was that one time, but Gaius, the fool, gave Merlin the potion to escape from the pyre! Why was everybody so stupid?

In fact, he bet that everybody close to him knew of Merlin's stupid secret; especially Gaius and Lancelot. Uther had no idea why he hadn't burned them either. Harboring a traitor's secrets, and _helping_ him become more competent (if that was even possible) with the cursed art. Uther had been being lax with Gaius however. It should have been expected that one day the cursed magic user would revolt against him and teach somebody. The man was old though, he would die soon. Lancelot was banished. Uther couldn't do anything else against the man.

Uther hated Merlin. He hated Merlin because he just could not understand the boy. Wouldn't he feel outraged that Uther has been eliminating the sorcerers that stumble into Camelot and be against them; not with them? Was the boy that noble? Was magi-OH HELL NO! He, Uther Pendragon, Ruler of the prestigious Kingdom of Camelot, was _not_ about to ask himself if magic wasn't as bad as he brought it out to be. Stupid Merlin and his confusing ways. When did he even start saying "Merlin" instead of "servant" or "idiotic boy"?

The Pendragon family consisted of men and women who were the kings and queens of anything and everyone. They failed in their conquest of supreme power against one single _very famous_ person: Merlin.

_**Who died? And made you King of Anything?**_

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><p>That was fun to write, lol. I can actually imagine Merlin saying the last line though.<p>

Merlin: Who died? And made you King of Anything?

Arthur: My father.


	2. A Moment's Reprieve for a Prat Overseer

**A/N: **I was kind of bored, and I know it's been awhile since I've done anything for this story, although I marked it complete. And it is actually, I just happened to decide to continue with this thing. (Slight AU and stand alone, with a chance of a part 2.)

More serious than the previous.

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><p>"King of Anything"<p>

_You sound so innocent, all full of good intent_

_You swear you know best_

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><p>Most of the time, Arthur had to wonder just what caused Merlin to be so enchanting. It was an odd sort of feeling—being next to his friend—as he watched the bumbling (although, he doesn't really mean this) idiot chug through his chores. He could remember the first time he met the neckerchief wearing boy, letting nostalgia wash over his veins. Yes, he still didn't understand him; how could he? Arthur knew that Merlin didn't like to let on just how special he was. Just how special though, is what mystified the future king.<p>

There were several things that he was positive of though. Merlin couldn't cook. Merlin couldn't clean without being ushered to do so, the thought of an undeserved break beckoning him. It was impossible for Merlin to run a bath without making the water _too _cold or completely scalding. These imperfection, as Arthur liked to call them, should have made him fire the boy ages ago. And yet, he felt that doing so would be an awful mistake. Maybe even life threatening, though Arthur wouldn't admit this. And as much as he hates to think about it, there were more pros outweighing the cons to the manservant.

Yes, Merlin was enchanting. He had this ethereal glow around him sometimes—it almost seemed as if he lived and breathed _magic! _The blond-haired prince narrowed his eyes at this thought, which could make Merlin's life hell if voiced. But sometimes, he just couldn't help it. This feeling akin to friendship just seemed natural. While they met on bitter terms (laughable, in Arthur's imagination), as soon as the boy saved his life, Arthur somehow knew that he'd find a way to stick around. Merlin was just like the sun really: he was warm like the light that the star gave them, but would burn all those that crossed him and his friends. Arthur feared though, that if he didn't look long enough—if he ever stopped and ignored the other boy—just like the sun, he would vanish, and someone would take his place, just like the moon.

He was a horrible manservant, but a great friend; sometimes, Arthur swore he was what a good king should strive to be. Although, if that king should ever be like Merlin, then it'd be best if he would abandon clumsy package that comes with it. A king though. Did Arthur just compare Merlin to a good king? Fondness was getting the best of him, he thought, and the Once and Future King looked down at the courtyard from his room in the castle. What made—no, who made—Merlin of all people a king of anything? That was why Arthur had made him leave, to get rid of him before he could really end up ruling Camelot. Wouldn't that have been a sorry thing to see?

Why was he thinking of Merlin anyway? He was gone, gone with the wind. He remembered what happened, closing his eyes tired. He shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have told Merlin to get lost. Arthur was just so afraid, so afraid to think that maybe his subject wouldn't want him as king, no, instead they'd want Merlin on the throne. He's seen the way people looked at Merlin, how some seemed so happy to see the man. It was as if they were satisfied to see someone who could guide their new king and practically take over himself given the chance. He glanced at the door as it slammed open, hitting the drawer right next to it.

Morgana stepped into the room. She didn't look mad, she showed no emotion as she stared at Arthur. They could both tell that his mind was on a certain someone, whose ears were bulbous and his eyes kind. Morgana shifted in place for a bit, saying with maybe just a bit of comfort and a bit of anger in her voice, "You're thinking of him, aren't you?"

"No Morgana, I stopped a while ago."

"Then start again."

And maybe, that's just what he needed to hear. He smiled at his sister—it was strange to feel that word on his lips, to know that the other person in the room was indeed a sibling—and walked out. He stopped just as he passed the door, looking back for just a second. "Just what will I say?"

"Wing it, at least it won't give you a chance to be more arrogant than you usually are," she replied, a hint of a smile gracing her lips. She stepped forwards, and patted his arm. A smirk appeared on her face as she pushed him forwards, yelling somewhere along the lines to get on with it and apologize. A good push in the right direction is just what Arthur needed.

But would Merlin accept the apology coming towards him? He really didn't know. So maybe this King of Anything and Everything in Camelot was a tiny bit afraid, just a tiny bit of this friend who could be a better king that he ever is and will be.

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><p><em>But you expect me to, jump off on board with you<em>

_And right off into your delusional sunset.  
><em>


End file.
